WHERE I'M AT
Recently, multiple people have expressed interest into what is
happening in my life and/or disappointment that I had abandoned a
project or activity. I've decided to provide a glimpse into
what's going on in my life and why I'm doing (or not doing)
various things. *proceeds to dump 900+ words onto the page*
WORK
The company where I had worked since graduating from college
closed down in June 2024, so I lost a really good, reasonably
well-paying work-from-home job.
I sought new employment, which wasn't exactly easy, and
eventually received a job offer for a work-from-home customer
service position starting in October. What I didn't realize when
I accepted the job was that it was for very few hours per week,
and that I would frequently have my day terminated early because
call volume was low. I was making far less at this job than even
what unemployment compensation had paid me, and it was less than
a living wage.
I quit streaming on Twitch in December; I'll discuss this
momentarily.
The customer service job ended in early February; I had been a
seasonal hire, and survived the first two rounds of layoffs for
seasonal hires, lasting until the final culling. I had asked
about the possibility of transferring to a year-round position,
and was told flatly that the company was not going to hire
anyone, especially since they had just laid off year-round
employees the previous summer.
I am currently unemployed, but have a cushion of savings which
will allow me to live humbly for several years if there are no
unexpected complications. Since I can no longer work, I am hoping
to receive disability assistance, but this will take time.
HEALTH
Not good. I have a number of health issues, including diabetes
(partially controlled with medication) and carpal tunnel. But the
worst problem is my neuropathy. I have very little sensation in
my hands and feet. I have great difficulty picking up items like
coins, pills and pens. I have little grip strength and almost no
pinch strength. Things I'd always taken for granted are now
challenging: taking my wallet out of my pocket, taking bills out
of the wallet, opening zip-lock bags, turning pages.
And then there's the pain. Most of the time, my hands feel like
they're on fire, or like I just pulled them out of a vat of acid.
Touching something is usually accompanied by a tiny pulse of
pain. My feet are mostly numb, and only hurt when I get the
occasional foot cramp, or when I've been in one position for a
long time.
This definitely affects what I can do to interface with the world
around me. Because of the aforementioned issues, I now carry my
keys, phone and wallet in a small manpurse, and keep folded bills
in a pocket outside the wallet to pay for things. Typing on a
physical keyboard is very uncomfortable, due to each new touch of
a key bringing a pulse of pain. I use a virtual keyboard on a
touchscreen for most of my typing, including what you're reading
now.
I can use a stylus well, thank goodness. I'm starting to have
difficulty using a mouse, since my fine motor skills have
decreased. And as an avid gamer, I'm thankful I can still use a
controller, albeit awkwardly, and the button-pressing pain is
reduced when I'm absorbed in a game.
ACTIVITIES
Some of you have noticed I'm less active in various activities.
Here's a bit of an overview.
Twitch - I'll address the elephant in the room first. I stopped
streaming in December 2024. My disabilities make it hard to play
games in a comfortably watchable way, and after more than four
years of grinding streaming, I was down to just four or five
close friends watching my streams. You can't say I didn't put in
the effort. It's unlikely I'll return to streaming. I've also
lost interest in watching streams; interacting in chat feels like
a burden, and I'd rather play a game (if I can) than watch
someone else play.
Twitter - I've deleted all my accounts and left this dumpster
fire to smolder. I cannot, in good conscience, support this site
anymore.
Bluesky - You can still find me here, liking posts and
occasionally posting. It's now my main social media presence.
Discord - I'm here, too. Although I've muted all the servers I've
joined, you can DM me there.
YouTube - I had been posting videos regularly there. I've decided
not to post any more at this time, partly because making videos
requires a lot of effort, partly because the site is becoming an
unfriendly place.
Facebook, Tiktok, Instagram - never been on FB or TT; briefly had
an IG but deleted it years ago. If you see "me" on
these sites, it's not me.
Steam - I'm still on Steam but permanently invisible.
Bandcamp, Soundcloud - I still have accounts there, but haven't
posted anything new lately.
SUMMARY
I'm mostly alive, but much less visible and active than I used to
be. I don't hate anyone and I'm not ghosting anyone, although
there are some people I'm not seeking to contact. I'm fighting to
keep living a life I can enjoy, but there are a lot of obstacles.
I've lived a good life, full of experiences and pleasures, and
I'm OK with the fact that most of my best times are behind me.
The world is still mostly beautiful, and I hope everyone
continues to find joy, beauty and comfort.
- TsukiNoKemuri, 6 May 2025